Monday, May 02, 2005

Rent-Controlled Fever

Dear Dr. Roonie,

Doctor, I read that temporary insanity can be a good thing, when you are trying to find a rent-controlled apartment. Is that true?

Insanity for Rent

Dear Insanity for Rent,

I'm going to need more information from you, it seems, dear reader. How do you define "sanity" and "insanity" in this context? Are you pulling drive-bys on the current wrinkled occupants of said rent-controlled abodes? Picnicking with them and powdering their strawberry-filled crepes with arsenic? Donning your night-vision goggles and staking out the property for any sign of relinquishment? If any of these strategies describe your general method, I'm going to have to disagree with the advice your received regarding temporary insanity, unless you'd like to see yourself in a different kind of rent-controlled dwelling: the lovely, government-controlled jail cell. I mean, you could equate the experience to'll definitely be getting roommates you didn't bargain for! But trust me, the view will be better if you just put the rifle down and maybe do some weapons-free research by becoming familiar with the town and the townies on foot. I am a firm believer in the "it's all about the people you know" brand of dogma. See what you can turn up that way, and then get back to me if you're unsuccessful. I might be able to advocate the use of laughing gas, at least.

Eat, drink, and be merry,
Dr. Roonie